It’s an award! (Very Inspiring Blogger Award)

In lieu of a picture to paste denoting the importance of this lovely award, I will instead give you a piece of advice that I’ve found inspiring for a long time. Not as pretty as pictures? Of course it isn’t! But that’s okay. ❤

Whenever I feel like I’m falling to the bottom, whenever I start beating myself up to the point where I feel like I simply can’t get up again, there are two very important things I can realize that have helped me in the past:

One- people I know think the world of me. They love me and will comfort me when I’m feeling down. Relatives and friends and all sorts of inspiring, beautiful people. Wonderful, different people. Beating myself up is not simply a betrayal of self, but a betrayal of them. Using this, I can pull myself up again.

Two- the world is vast. Things aren’t fun right now, maybe. But they will be. The world is enormous, the universe is unfathomably large. I want to explore that, I can pull myself ahead by sheer knowledgethirst! I love learning new things, and when I’m in a slump it hinders that! I should never let myself fall that low when I know there’s so much more to learn and discover! The wonderful vastness of the universe is inspiring!

Just a little insight into what keeps me inspired. ❤

 

Apparently this is a thing that happens. I’ve been nominated by Sirenia of My Own Avalon. Her poetry and the pictures that go with it are inspiring and hauntingly beautiful themselves, so is it really any surprise she was nominated? I think not! Check her out! Poetry is awesome, and some of the pictures are so wonderful they give me goosebumps. ❤

Anyway, the rules say that I have to give you all (as a collective) seven random facts about myself and nominate seven other bloggers for the award. It’s sort of like a chain letter, only actually fun. Of course, I don’t think I even really know- not well, anyway- seven other bloggers to nominate, but I’ll do my best for sure. It’s part of the cycle of giving!

So here are some facts you may or may not already know.

One: I am not only a fan of writing, prose or poetry, but I also adore music both classical and rockin’.

Two: I appreciate people best in oneses and twoses, big parties make me very uncomfortable.

Three: I always sleep with the light on! I’m deathly afraid of the dark and have been since I was very young.

Four: I don’t write everything all at once. It comes in short little spurts of inspiration and in general short stories can take anywhere from a week to several months.

Five: My favored color is green of any shade.

Six: I like to read books from the middle to the end and then go back and read the beginning.

Seven: I’ve struggled a lot of my life with low self-esteem, and it’s only been lately that I’ve been able to pull myself up out of it with any kind of consistency.

Well that’s all you get for now! I suppose it’s time to nominate some inspiring bloggers of my own, isn’t it? Well I’m a little new to the bloggosphere, but let’s see what I can do as far as that goes:

I nominate, by the power vested in me through this award-

bipolarmuse – of the blog of the same name! Oh, how I enjoy her poetry. I am inspired by the quotes she pulls up and I admire her courage in her battle against a disorder storm. ❤ Very inspiring indeed, give her a look! Read her poetry and about her life! It’s fascinating~

transparentguy- of The Adventures of Transman! Wit and inspiring stories, insight into the mind of one who battles prejudice and stupidity– though I’m told it isn’t quite so serious as that. Transman is awesome, let it be known I said that and I meant and mean it. Give Transman’s work a likewise awesome look if you like learning new things about gender- or just reading Transman’s stories about life and other things. He says he isn’t serious, but I can take Transman seriously. I can and do.

bribees- of Big Red Comfy Couch! Poetry that I love, she’s a dear friend to me. Very prolific, and she would just love for people to take a look at her work. I’m inspired by her every day we have classes together, and I love her general life philosophy as well. Give her a look if you like poetry and stories. She can tell a good yarn I enjoy her poetry very much. ❤

Finally, and really, how could I leave her out:

Priyanka- of pinkatenchanted. Oh, she is overflowing with exuberance. How I love reading her poems- about everything, really! I always read her prose and poems with a smile, and I love following her life through her blog- she may not post super often, but I do enjoy the time I spend reading what she does. Oh, give her a look! You won’t regret it.

 

 

Well, that’s it, I suppose. Whew! Awards are hard work! I may not believe in awards all that much, but I do believe in people! So I hope the people I’ve nominated realize just how much they mean to me, whether they choose to accept it or not. ❤

I guess I have to go and tell them that I nominated them, too!

Not at all subtle but <3s anyway,

-Eris

 

 

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Poem: Promises, Promises

Promises, Promises

An oath poem by Sam Oliver [Eris]

 

I promise this

And that

Without thought, rhyme or reason

Without thinking about it

For too hard or too long

Or deep into a season

Because I am just me my love

I won’t stay this way for long

But here are some promises

I think I will set down

For you

 

I promise that I love you

Standing here

Sitting here

Thinking of all those

Who I gave my love before

Thinking of the ones

I know that I adore

Beyond a doubt

Beyond a whisper

No a shadow

No a shade

of a doubt

in my mind

 

I promise that I’ll hear you

Hear you sing

Hear you cry

Wait with you

Stay with you

When everything is

Awry

Listen to your heart

Beating in your chest

Lying there

With you even as I’m

Without you

 

I promise that I’ll see you

When no one else can watch

Eyes taking in

The scars of sin-

yours and mine-

That others might just shun

I promise, love

I promise

That I will never run

 

I promise it doesn’t matter

If you want me boy or girl

I’ll be either

I’ll be neither

Or give them both a whirl

 

I promise I don’t care

If neither makes you spin

In a circle

On your toes

Watching me, teasing me

With do’s and don’t’s

I know I shouldn’t listen

To

but do I, don’t I

doesn’t matter

As long as I’m with

You

 

I promise I don’t mind

That you aren’t the neatest love

That you don’t clean up your room

That you can’t see clouds above

For the stars all in your head

Painting your mind green

I love the color anyway

Because it is a sheen

That reminds me

Of you

 

I promise that I’ll be there

No matter what you see

By your side

Along for the ride

So long as you’ll let me

 

I promise I’ll sing with you

When your heart cries out

Tolerate your tuneless hum

And listen to you shout

The chorus in the song of life

The good and so the bad

I promise that I love you, dear

You’re all that I have had

Can have

And want

 

And you are many people, love

Plain as it can be

I promise that I love you so

But please now listen

To me

I know that I am not the best

The most stable or most kind

But I’ll be here

For to draw near

Should you ever need my mind

And soul.

 

 

 

 

© 2012 Sam Oliver [Eris]

—-

Annnd the first poem I write after turning twenty one? I promise it isn’t a love poem. I totally, totally promise.

I’m an awful liar. It’s an oath of sorts, in and of itself, and quite personal this time. I know that the subject of loving more than one person is itself a hotly debated topic, so I’m going to say nothing about that. Officially I suppose I’m dating no one. My relationships tend to stay online, and I’m told that (it’s a load of horse apples, really) physical intimacy is a requirement for actual dating to take place. Unofficially, I’m in love with, oh, everyone. I love meeting people, I love learning about them and listening to them, and I love talking to them with a passion. Honest and for truly.

And it’s a unique love for everyone I meet. I suppose that’s fitting- every single person is different. It’s really neat to see all the different types there are and to meet, talk to and cuddle with people is pretty awesome.

It helps that it’s unconditional. Oh, sometimes I’d really LIKE someone in particular to love me back, but if it comes down to it, it’s really not my choice at all. Love will strike who and what it likes. Forcing it has never led me to anything but pain in the past [Though actually, that’s going by Empirical Probability. Just because I’ve never had a good experience with trying to force love doesn’t mean it couldn’t theoretically happen, according to my math professor.] And I can talk about that in another post. ❤ Anyway, I hope someone somewhere out there could connect with something somewhere in this poem or post. ‘n if you couldn’t, I’d just like to apologize in this heartfelt manner (No, seriously!):

I’m sorry. I’ll do better next time.

<3s,
-Eris

PS:

In unrelated news, apparently I am just as ambiguous in my language THIS year as I have been ALL THE REST OF THE YEARS. No one is surprised. No, not even me this time.

Poem: White

 

White

A Poem by Sam Oliver [Eris]

 

The blood doesn’t matter

Not the red

Where it spatters

On skin, my skin

So pale, so ghaunt

Like my teeth

Bare in their grin

 

I laugh at the pain

At the broken, lost mane

Of crimson

Of sticky, sticky red

That drips down my arm

That drips down my head

 

He cries

No, shouts

Backs away as the gouts

Of laughter and blood

Turn to mud

On the ground at my feet

 

Doubled but smiling

I watch him retreat

Wiping my lips

I make me

Look neat

For the man in the blue

As puzzled as you

When I walk in the door

And topple

To the floor

 

Eyes still wide open

Staring and broken

Watching the dust rise in clouds near my face

Hearing the song

Of the wounded and wrong

That leaps from your throat-

The deep rhythm’d sirens

Play bass

 

All that I think

As I slide from the brink

As the breathing can fade to a hum

The light in my eyes

As dark as surprise

Is yet at its heart

White.

 

 

©2012  Sam Oliver [Eris]

 

 

No new short story just yet. ❤ I’m still working on it, of course.

I’m actually feeling pretty good, but poetry is dark for me and always has been. I find it hard to write about cheerful things, even with so-called cheerful titles.  I guess I find the dark of it beautiful in a haunting sort of way. I must have an unhealthy obsession with the morbid. But that’s alright. ❤

Anyway, enjoy.

-Eris

Fluid Gender – No, Not the Kind you Drink

Well, since this sort of thing- anything about gender, really- interests me waaayyy more than is probably healthy, I figured I could spare a post or two on it. I was right, so here it is!

First off, I’m going to give a bit of a definition of the undefinable.

Gender- what the heck is it? It’s a little voice in your head that tells you what’s ‘proper’ for you. Generally speaking, if you’ve got ovaries and breasts and girl bits between your legs you’re thought of by the public as a girl, right? And if you’ve got boy bits and are relatively flat without the ability to breastfeed, you’re thought of as a boy?

Okay, we’re square there, right? That seems pretty easy.  If you’re really sheltered (don’t feel bad if you are, I’m trying to inform, not to alienate), maybe you haven’t heard of this next bit, so bear with me a moment and try to understand and not judge!

Sometimes, and we’re getting a better idea of why this happens, a boy (which we already defined) will be born and, to introduce another element to it, his mind will not accept that his body is male.

Why is that important?

Well, the mind is incredibly important! If the boy grows up in a social environment filled with boys who all like their bodies and he hates his on the inside, that could have disastrous effects on his self-esteem! Since schools can be cruel in the United States (I can’t speak for elsewhere), he could be alienated for any expression of what he feels to be his true self!

He might be convinced that the only way out is suicide, and he might never truly understand what exactly is wrong until he’s already dead.

Just for fun, I’m going to avoid using scientific terms here and call this not-boy exactly what I feel he is.

He’s a person. It doesn’t even really matter what he wants his body to look like, except to him and the people who want him to be happy. If he decides he wants breasts and ovaries and goes to have surgery, hey! Good for him! I believe in living your own dream. If your dream is to change your body type entirely, that’s wonderful. It’s hard! It’s not an easy path. But it’s strange, isn’t it? Isn’t it amazing all the different types of people there are on the world? Alienating them will do nothing! We should stand up for the hurt, and help those who have big dreams and so little support!

But that’s a tangent. People will use all different kinds of weird terms to describe otherly-gendered folk. Some people refer to a gender ‘line’ and blurring it. I think of it as an immense sphere. Everyone fits in there somewhere. I don’t think it really matters where so long as you just remember that there is a place there for EVERYONE. Not between boy or girl or male or female or any of that silliness- it’s a sphere! What lines? Where you identify is just down to you, your mind, your culture, and your heart. Above all, follow your heart. If it means so much to you, no one can take that away.

I’m fluid gendered, for instance. I don’t just stay in one place in the great big sphere of gender. I bounce around. I’d like to be whatever I feel at the moment. It’d be pretty neat if I had some way to shapeshift like that out here in the meatspace world, but I’m content with being able to express myself through the clothes I wear, the people I meet and the things that I do, at least for now.

I might feel boyish one moment and completely feminine the next. There’s no serious stability with me and you know, some people might find that really scary! As much as I love free expression, not everyone might agree with me!

If I’m not careful, I could get beat up for not matching others’ expectations, for being wildly different. (hee. It’s funny because everyone is different and everyone is in a sliiightly different place in the gender sphere) Sometimes people are killed just for being themselves! Isn’t that crazy?

But I’m not worried about that. I’ll live every moment I have to its fullest and be myself as plain as can be. I can only hope other people follow my example and come to accept that even though we all fit in a different place, we all share hopes, dreams and thoughts, there’s something in common that you can find with just about anyone if you try hard enough, and so there’s really no reason to get into arguments at all-

Unless you just like tossin’ discord around and messing with people. That’s fine too. There’s a place on Earth for everyone, and even if there wasn’t I’m sure there’re other planets where they’ll be able to fit in eventually. ❤

I suppose the entirely of what I want to say is that-

To everyone their own.

Ah, a further note.

The disconnect between someone’s born sex and their mind is called many things depending on what the so-called symptoms are- it happens to people with girl bits or boy bits or something inbetween (which we are so not getting into just yet), and it happens all the time. If you’re curious about it, you can look up such terms as:

Transgender

Gender dysphoria

bigender

If you’re REALLLY curious about it and no one is giving you the answers you want, you can toss me an email or comment.

I’ll get back to it eventually and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll look it up for you to the best of my ability!

Of course, my opinion is biased. But so is pretty much everyone’s, so don’t worry so much about that. I’m not gonna judge or anything. (what kind of hypocrite would that even make me I don’t)

Anyway. That’s all I have for now.

Love out to those that need it (Which, by the way, includes all of my friends, family and others in or out of the blogosphere),

-Eris

Candy, Serendipity, and Fractured Fairytales

So there is basically nothing better than getting done with class and immediately going out to the snack machine because you’ve got two dollars to burn and you’re starving.

No, wait. It’s realizing that even though two dollars can’t cover it, you’ve got an extra fifty cents in coins serendipitously placed in your wallet and then nabbing both a pack of starbursts and some Sprite. That is the best.

…What? :c

I can write about things other than writing and poetry!

For instance, right now I’m in college. No, seriously, just sitting outside of my next class waiting for my Professor and snackin’ on starbursts and Sprite. Enjoying the knowledge that I’ve got nothin’ to do but write over the weekend. Oh, and celebrate. But you know, celebratin’ is all part of the ritual of the end of the week.

I’m sore from Taekwondo a yesterday. Every muscle is burning. But you know what? I feel fantastic anyway. It’s been a good week. I’ve been sick and sore and miserable but I’m in the best of spirits. I feel like I’ve climbed a previously insurmountable wall and that, on reaching the other side, I’ve found a vast library of knowledge waiting for me, like the whole rest of my life might be just one new exciting thing after another. And honestly? I’m not sure I can wait.

In other news related to writing, woohoo! I’m working on a fractured fairytale! It’s based on the classic story– but not too classic because ew– of Sleeping Beauty. This was for my creative writing club. Is, I mean. I’m not done with it just yet. I plan to spit it out over the weekend.

In working on it, it’s also given me an idea for my next big project! Which I know, I say a lot. I’m thinking of two main prospects right now. One, titled Twins, will be a sci fi story I’m gonna rewrite– because the first time around the idea was sound but I didn’t really much like the way that it was going.

The other, which I haven’t even chosen a name for yet, will be a serial likewise, but probably more fantasy based. I’m not sure which one I want to stick with yet. I’ll decide that this weekend too. That’s all I gotta say for now! Hopefully if I can get alllll of these stories done or started or whatever by the weekend, I can post ’em up here for you! I’ll keep you updated!

-Eris

Poem: Snow

Snow

A freeverse thought-poem by Sam Oliver [Eris]

 

Feather soft and light

With crystal cold in bounds

Like gentlest winter’s heartfelt touch

In frost-stars as it touches my skin

 

Can you feel it as it falls?

Can you feel it in the halls

Of ice and warmth

Like love but numb

A heat inside

The thumb

of the world’s first

snow

 

Crystals falling down through air

That shimmers here

And shimmers there

Sweetest song played now for true

And all for you

Dear

All for you

 

Hear it bounce from flake

To flake

Leaving joy all in

Its wake

Like tiny golden suns in white

Flying down

They shine so bright

 

Can you hear it as it sings?

Can you see it on the wing?

Maybe not but still it’s true

As snow falls down and just for you

Now frost’s touch like feather’s sting

As of the cold in rapture bring

To me the light of winter’s first

snow, white

snow

To me the light

of the snow

 

Laugh, no, play!

It’s cold today

Bitterly dry as well

Truly a place with frozen lakes-

Finer never seen in hell

Which must have froze over

If here there is snow

It must have froze over indeed

I cannot think how now it sits

 

And grows

and shares its need

 

for me

 

Nothing now, but dust and dirt

Nothing for now and ever

I’ve worn not a thing, out here without shirt

Waiting as long as I remember

 

Still I am here, I

Lie here

stay here

Like a lost-

no

-a white little

lamb

 

 

In frost and fel

In snowless hell

I wait for its touch

To land

 

On a face upturned

Like a love unspurned

Waiting for flakes to fall down

Their crystalline forms

So blind to norms

That often pierce

The ground

 

I miss its touch

The heat is too much

 

Waiting here now

to die.

 

call me a fool

but with eyes like pools

 

I’ll stay here

And gladly drown

 

In snow.

In the pure, the white, the golden crystal snow

In the cold and the heart of it all

I sit here and sigh

And wait to die-

For the winter’s first frost

To show

For the winter’s last frost

To snow.

 

 

©2012 Sam Oliver [Eris]

—————–

I miss it.

-Eris

PS: Sorry for the wait! I know, I know. I owe you guys all three days’ worth. This is just one. Poor form, Eris, poor form indeed. On the other hand, I think I have a new story.

Rather, a new serial idea. It’s been stewing in my head a while. I’ll see how this one pans out and keep you guys, gals and others all totes posted. ❤

Also, I’m fine. Honest. This probably seems a little dark. I’m not feeling dark. Really!

In other news? Jean shorts are pretty awesome. So’re shoes. They protect your feet. Not the shorts, I mean the shoes.