Ramble Poem: Bitterest Blade

What are we

If not slaves to this

This feeling inside

Twisting,

Turning,

Driving inward like a knife

Or a bitter blade

 

A bitter, false blade

A bitter, sweet blade

Like a smile

Like a smile so bright that you know

It isn’t true

Too bright

Too real

Too unreal

Too fake

Is it because of the white?

The white in your teeth

That proves you must

Be a liar?

 

Not just any liar

But one without truth

To you

One without the nerve

To tell anything

anything

anything,

but lies.

 

screeching

 

shouting

 

reflected noise back

To the edge of my awareness

to the forefront of my mind.

crying

sobbing

losing my tactic

at my own game

in my own space

in my own nothing

 

i am a bitter blade

a bitter, false blade

a bitter, sweet blade

dull now

from use

from being used

over

and

over

and

over

 

again

and

again

and

again.

 

tumble with me down

to the edge from beyond

to the edge of my nothing

tumble with me down

to the edge of my heart

to the edge of my self

to the edge of me.

 

i am a bitter blade

a bittersweet blade

with a false, bitter edge

hiding

behind

my bitter,

false

smile.

 

i would rather cut

myself

in

two

than be lonely

like this

forever.

 

©2013 Sam Oliver (Eris)

 

—-

YO. Three stories in the works. Love atcha. Eris out.

(story, news, story, news, story)

-Eris

2 thoughts on “Ramble Poem: Bitterest Blade

  1. Absolutely loved it. Probably not what you were aiming towards, but to me, sounds like someone with a love that they know means nothing, they know it can’t or will not happen. No matter how hard they try (and they know they shouldn’t), it will never be what they want. It sounds like the other person also knows and takes advantage of this. Where did this stem from? What were your thoughts? Well, if you don’t mind me asking, anyway.

    ❤ Wren

    • It’s interesting– your interpretation hadn’t truly occurred to me until after I read it a second time through it. Yes, I can see where you got that impression– the words all but scream it. No, I didn’t write it like that initially, not like that. I’ve had loves like that. Actually, I’m constantly surrounded by thoughts like that, by crushes and needs and desires that I really have little control over. And sometimes, yeah, people take advantage of that and take advantage of their relationship with me– that nothing relationship– in order to get me to do what they want.

      Fool that I am I tend to let them, and most of the time I’m alright with that, alright with what I’ve done. I guess… I guess today my emotions were boiling closer to the surface. Today I also decided to walk into work wearing my genderqueer shirt, so there you go! I feel like I’ve had enough hiding to last me a lifetime. I gotta be more open about who and what I am, and more– i don’t wanna say forceful, but yeah. I need to be more forceful about asserting my personality. Not in the ‘I NEED TO BE IN YOUR FACE’ sorta way, but more the ‘I think I need to be myself more in order to be happy’. My latest stories have sort of reflected that strange change in my personality, that searching vibe, and in many of the latest ones I have tragedy and isolation play a large part— like some kinda super purge is going on in my head.

      ALSO I ALWAYS LOVE FEEDBACK AND INTERPRETATION, WREN, YOU KNOW THAT.

      <3<3<3s,
      Eris

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