The thoughts tumble down
Out from a mouth still tasting of sweat
As a thousand points made solid all seem to connect
with my heart
with fingers on my neck.
and sometimes insecure
screaming without breath behind what’s meant to reassure
A cage or maybe steel
all set in a line
Telling me that I’m here just until
I do my time
but the bars remain there no matter how long I stay
and nothing, no force
can push them all away.
Aching, staring at the ceiling
above my own bed
its star-crossed white
As though eventually the sky will fall
and crush me flat instead
of hanging there and threatening.
I wake with a start, my mouth gone dry
I wake gasping for air
but like a fish my lips open
and close with nothing there
A dream so horrible I can’t even find a name
but a moment before had pumped through my veins
and my mind.
Tomorrow, maybe, I will breathe again
tomorrow, maybe, time will move again
tomorrow, maybe, I will hold myself
up a little higher
and stand a little straighter.
Now breath comes short
as though choking all the time
my mind lingers on things I know are not mine
it etches images in the walls of my room
and stabs at my brain
like a biting fly
trying to consume
the flesh of my arms
A new way to cope
another bright day
A breath in and out
A smile at a phase
that I knew would come to pass.
Day by day I’m fighting
an addiction that won’t last.
Copyright 2014 Eris (Sam Oliver)
One of these days, once I have the time to ramble on and on and on, I’ll tell everybody what the heck has been going on with me. For now, it’s enough to let you guys know that I’m fighting the battle and winning. I hope you enjoyed the poem. Let’s see if I can get another part of Psion done. Or maybe The Shifting Flame. I reckon either one would be a good exercise for me.