Poem: Breathe

The thoughts tumble down

Tumble forth

like breath

Out from a mouth still tasting of sweat

As a thousand points made solid all seem to connect

with my heart

my hand

with fingers on my neck.

I’m heartless

and evil

and sometimes insecure

screaming without breath behind what’s meant to reassure

me

A cage or maybe steel

all set in a line

Telling me that I’m here just until

I do my time

but the bars remain there no matter how long I stay

and nothing, no force

can push them all away.

 

Aching, staring at the ceiling

above my own bed

its star-crossed white

looming overhead

As though eventually the sky will fall

and crush me flat instead

of hanging there and threatening.

 

I wake with a start, my mouth gone dry

I wake gasping for air

but like a fish my lips open

and close with nothing there

A dream so horrible I can’t even find a name

but a moment before had pumped through my veins

and my mind.

 

Tomorrow, maybe, I will breathe again

tomorrow, maybe, time will move again

tomorrow, maybe, I will hold myself

up a little higher

and stand a little straighter.

Not now,

not now.

Now breath comes short

as though choking all the time

my mind lingers on things I know are not mine

it etches images in the walls of my room

and stabs at my brain

like a biting fly

trying to consume

the flesh of my arms

legs

and face.

 

A new way to cope

another bright day

A breath in and out

A smile at a phase

that I knew would come to pass.

 

Day by day I’m fighting

an addiction that won’t last.

—–

Copyright 2014 Eris (Sam Oliver)

—–

 

One of these days, once I have the time to ramble on and on and on, I’ll tell everybody what the heck has been going on with me. For now, it’s enough to let you guys know that I’m fighting the battle and winning. I hope you enjoyed the poem. Let’s see if I can get another part of Psion done. Or maybe The Shifting Flame. I reckon either one would be a good exercise for me.

<3s,

Eris